What do I Need Right Now? Part 4 of Rest is Part of the Work

Think about the last time you said, “I’m exhausted.” What did you mean? Was your body tired or was your brain tired from making decisions all day? Were you overwhelmed by noise and people? Did you spend so much time solving other people’s problems that you don’t have the energy to think about your own? 

Different kinds of tired need different kinds of rest. 

There are many ways to feel depleted. Ashley Abramson describes seven different aspects of rest that we need to consider: physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative and spiritual rest. 

You don’t necessarily need to do something for each category. The point is: being tired doesn’t always mean you need to sleep. When you can recognize what type of tired you are, you can find a solution that gives you the break you need. 

Have you ever laid in bed too tired to sleep? You calculate how much time you have before the alarm goes off and you have to get up?

Sleep won’t fix this type of tired because, even though you might be physically tired, you are also probably mentally, emotionally or spiritually tired. 

Maybe what you need isn’t another attempt to force yourself to sleep. Maybe you need to give your brain permission to stop making decisions -- easier said than done. Believe me, I know. 

Or maybe it's something else. Maybe you need to find somewhere you feel safe enough to cry. Maybe you need a person, place or connection that helps you feel grounded. 

Different kinds of exhaustion need different kinds of rest. 

Rest vs Escape

Sometimes you don’t need rest. You need to step away from the situation that’s weighing on you for a little while. 

Are you hungry? Eat something. 

Are you lonely? Text a friend. 

Are you bored? Play a quick game on your phone or do something that stimulates your mind. 

Does your body feel stiff? Take a second to stretch or go on a walk. 

Stepping away from what’s stressing you is ok. Sometimes it’s exactly what you need. That’s not failing at rest. It’s another way to take care of yourself. 

Acting on what you need isn't always possible 

The frustrating part of all this is the times when you know what would restore you but you can’t do it. 

Maybe you are physically tired and need a solid eight hours of sleep but you have a newborn. 

Maybe you need time to yourself but you are caring for an elderly parent. 

Maybe you need a vacation, but you can’t afford one. 

Maybe you need to work less, but you also need your paycheck. 

The advice to simply follow what your body tells you it needs, doesn’t exactly hold up. In fact, it can make things even more stressful. Then you get more tired, more frustrated and more afraid that you will be stuck here forever. 

There are times that we listen to what we need and the answer is inconvenient at best but too often, it’s impossible. 

Find the closest version

I’ve talked about the difference between rest and escape but there is a third option: compromise. We combine the two to meet in the middle. You know what you need. You know why you can’t have it right now. So what is the closest version of that need you can meet? 

Your new baby won’t let you sleep a full eight hours. But can you find a way to take a nap during the day when the baby is asleep instead of doing chores or other things that are demanding your attention? 

You need time to yourself but can’t leave your parent for long. Can you try a new restaurant or find a respite option for an afternoon so you can spend some time alone? 

You need a vacation but can’t afford one. Can you spend an evening in a different part or your city or really anywhere that isn’t your home? Take a walk in a park you haven’t visited or explore resources at your library?

You need to work less but you also need a paycheck. This one is a really tough one for me. Can you find a book or audio book that you can dive into when you take short 15 minute breaks throughout the day? When I’m listening to a good story, it engages my imagination and I feel like I’ve stepped away longer than I actually did. 

These suggestions are not meant to be the perfect answer to the problem. They are only a guide to get you thinking. 

There is one important catch. 

The closest version is a temporary solution, not a replacement for rest. 

You’ll eventually have to address the need itself instead of working around it. 

Think of this as a stepping stone – not a landing pad. 

Sometimes life puts you in a season where you have to make do. That’s okay. 

Just remember that “making do” is supposed to help you get through to the next season, not convince you that the closest version is all you need. 

Rest is part of the work

You can’t take care of yourself if you don’t pay attention to yourself. You are one of the people you care for. Rest isn’t what you do after the work is finished. 

So, what do you need right now? 

Not what you should need. 

Not someone else’s idea of a self care routine. 

What would actually revive you? 

Maybe you can act on what you need. Maybe you can’t. Start with the closest version. Pay attention. Make some room. And remember that taking care of yourself isn’t something you have to earn. 

Rest is part of the work. 

A little reminder: The suggestions in this article are ideas, not instructions. You know your circumstances and needs better than I do. Use your own judgement, take what helps, and leave the rest.