Are You Resting or Just Escaping?: Part 2 of Rest is Part of the Work Series

Have you ever spent an entire evening “resting” only to realize you were just as exhausted as you were before? 

You watch TV. You scroll your phone. Maybe you played a game, read something or disappeared into a few hours of whatever helped you stop thinking about your day. 

You weren’t working. 

But you weren’t necessarily resting, either.

Escape isn’t always bad

We all need ways to step away from things that are stressful or overwhelming. Sometimes you really need to stop thinking about work. Children’s needs feel like they are just too much. Sometimes you need a funny show after a difficult day. Sometimes you need to disappear into an audio book for a few hours. 

Taking a break from your problems isn’t automatically a problem. 

The trouble comes when escape becomes the only way we know how to cope.

Rest helps you recover. Escape helps you get away.

One is not better than the other. Rest and escape serve two different functions. 

Rest might leave you feeling:

• Calmer

• Clearer

• Emotionally steadier

• Ready to return to life

• Refreshed 

Escape might leave you feeling: 

• Temporarily distracted

• Relieved while you are doing it

• Guilty afterward (especially if you are prone to feeling unproductive when you are not working)

• Just as tired as when you started

• More overwhelmed because the thing or emotion you were avoiding is still waiting. 

This sounds like escape is a bad thing. But I want to be clear that when used effectively, it can be beneficial. 

Think of escape like pressing pause on a game. You are able to step away from your situation for a moment but nothing is changing. You may need that small break to reorganize your thoughts, give your nervous system a chance to settle or to redirect your emotions to something else. Even though nothing is changing, you are still able to regroup before picking up the controller and getting back to it. 

Rest, on the other hand is like turning off the game, plugging in the controller and letting it recharge. The game will still be there when you come back. The problem may not have changed. Chores still need to be done. Emails need answering. Tomorrow’s responsibility is still waiting. But you have more energy, focus, patience or emotional capacity to deal with them. 

Escape gives you a pause. 

Rest helps you recharge. 

Sometimes you need to press pause so you can tell if you need to recharge or if you are ready to jump back in. 

So, do you need a pause or a recharge?

One of the easiest ways to tell is to pay attention to how you feel when you stop. 

Ask yourself: 

I took a short break, do I feel more capable of getting back to this?

If this answer is yes, maybe you needed a pause. 

If you’re still exhausted, irritable, overwhelmed or mentally foggy after the break, you may need more than an escape. You may need rest. 

And that’s where self-care plays a part of resting. 

Self-care isn’t always about bubble baths and cozy books by a fireplace. It’s recognizing that the break you keep taking isn’t addressing your needs. 

Maybe you need to go to bed or eat something. 

Maybe you need to change locations-go somewhere less or more stimulating. 

Maybe you need to stop making decisions and let someone else make the plan. 

If you’ve been sitting too long, some gentle movement might help. If you’ve been on your feet all day, maybe you really do need to collapse on the couch and watch nonsense on TV. 

Honestly answering “what do I need right now?” is more effective than trying a new self-care routine you found on the internet. Even if you can’t actually act on your honest answer - not all of us can quit our jobs and travel the world - recognizing the answer can help you address the need behind it. 

The point isn’t to judge how you spend your break. The point is to notice whether the break is helping. 

A Final Thought

Both escape and rest are part of taking care of yourself. Knowing which one you need is part of the work.